


Will You Help Me To Walk, Will You Ease My Mind?

by TheBritishAreComing (grilledcheeseandguavajelly)



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 07:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3111236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grilledcheeseandguavajelly/pseuds/TheBritishAreComing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex sat with her feet propped up on the desk, the fingers of one hand drumming lightly on her knee while she held a gun lazily in the other. Smirking, she twirled it around and pointed it vaguely in Matt’s direction.<br/>	Her eyes skirted down his form, landing quickly on his trousers before flicking back up to his face.<br/>	“Drop ‘em,” she mused, her smirk growing into a grin as she sat up a bit in the chair. <br/>	Oh yes, house sitting for Steven was going to be fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Will You Help Me To Walk, Will You Ease My Mind?

**Author's Note:**

> This is a really warped version of the prompt: "Absently tapping her finger on the desk, she kept the gun pointed at him as she watched the clock." (veiledinspiration) It got a bit out of hand, but then again, where's the fun if it doesn't? 
> 
> Okay, so I didn't put a warning on this, but if you get squeamish... sorry :)
> 
> I also feel obligated to say that I know nothing about the personal lives of these actors, and that this is obviously a work of fiction. That being said, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Title taken from "Bring Me To Light"
> 
> And as always, thanks to Ava for the beta. Love you!

Alex waited in the oversized, plush chair of Steven’s study, humming quietly to the music of a faucet running somewhere in the house. When it stopped, so did she, sitting up quickly and preparing herself for what came with the footsteps drawing nearer.

“Alex…?” She heard him call from what sounded like the living room.

“In here, darling!” She said brightly, and smirked at the thought of how surprised he would look when he walked through the doorway in front of her. Biting down on a giggle, she shook her head lightly. How many times had they been here and he still didn’t know how to get around. It was adorable…

Alex was just beginning to think that he had probably wandered into the guest bathroom when she jumped, hearing him closer than she expected and already babbling at her.

“…lready cleaned the dishes - yeah, that’s right, you’re welcome - so what do you wanna do now? We could watch a movie… A bit of snuggling may be good for me, Kingsto-“

She watched Matt come around the corner and prance into the study, a wide grin on his face as he narrowly avoided hitting his shoulder on the doorframe. He glared at it in accusation before looking over at her. Alex watched him do a slight double take and freeze in his tracks.

She sat with her feet propped up on the desk, the fingers of one hand drumming lightly on her knee while she held a gun lazily in the other. Smirking, she twirled it around and pointed it vaguely in his direction. She licked her lips slowly, deliberately flirtatious, her finger hovering over the trigger.

“Drop ‘em,” she mused.

Matt’s mouth fell open, and he stepped back slightly. “Alex… What the-“

Alex’s eyes skirted down his form, landing quickly on his trousers before flicking back up to his face.

“Drop ‘em,” she said again, her smirk growing into a grin as she pulled the safety on the gun and sat up a bit in the chair. Eyes wide, Matt threw his hands up in surrender.

“Alex, what the hell are you doing?!”

“I thought it was quite obvious, dear,” she replied sweetly, “I already asked you twice.”

Her eyes drifted down to his trousers again and she bit down on her lip to keep from laughing out loud. She had never seen Matt’s eyes so big, and his cheeks were unnaturally flushed. He was such a flirt, but it was still so easy to get him flustered.

Oh yes, house sitting for Steven was going to be fun.

Alex’s attention was brought back to the present by Matt’s voice, unusually uncertain and unexpectedly frightened.

“Alex, what the hell?! Put the gun down!”

Momentarily taken aback by the panic in his voice, she quickly schooled her features and sat back in the chair patiently, quirking her eyebrows at him. “Not until you do what I asked, darling.”

“Alex, this isn’t funny. Put the gun down. Now.” He was starting to sound rather serious, and she faltered, her smile slipping at the worry on his face. But only for a moment, because he was probably only doing this to make her give in. He _was_ quite the actor… No, she wouldn’t lose this time, not after last Friday, not when this was her brilliant idea. So she simply sat and waited for him to… well, she didn’t know what, exactly. Certainly not to take his trousers off, but to do something other than insist she dropped the gun.

“Okay… Okay,” he said softly, pulling a hand through his hair. “Alex, just… Please just put the gun down. I’m serious.”

But at his slight movement she straightened up a bit, refocusing the gun on him. “As am I, darling. I’m not moving until you do as I ask.”

A small laugh fell out of Matt’s mouth, but landed a bit flat. “Ha, okay. Alex, seriously. Come on! You can’t point a loaded gun at someone just for a bit of fun! Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? And it’s certainly not funny. Now put it down.”

He sounded so authoritative, his voice morphing into the one he used when playing the “angry Doctor”. In Alex’s mind, River had always liked that side of the Doctor - a bit aggressive, definitely intimidating, his true age trying to desperately push it’s way out - and now, sitting here, Alex found she liked it on Matt as well. It was a completely different side of him that she had never seen, and while she found his usual self adorable and endearing, this serious side was kind of, almost, a bit…

“Alex!”

She snapped her eyes back up to Matt’s, trying to coax the flush out of her cheeks. Thank heavens, he didn’t seem to notice. Then again, if someone was pointing a gun at _her_ , it might be a bit difficult to think of anything else.

“Alex, put the gun back where you found it,” he said slowly, gently. His hands were still up by his head as he stepped gingerly toward her, eyes pleading. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at yo-“ His feet had just hit the edge of the plush white rug covering the wood floors when he cut off abruptly, confusion working its way from his eyebrows to his frown. “Wait… Alex. Where _did_ you find that gun?”

“It was in Steven’s desk,” she stated plainly.

“Steven keeps a gun in his desk?!” Matt’s eyes were wide, but the fear had quickly melted away, leaving a shocked amusement in its place. He let his arms drop to his side, swinging them restlessly, but didn’t move any closer to her, seeming to focus on keeping distance between them. She didn’t like it, wanted him to play along, to be fun, lovable, flirty Matt. She wanted him to want to be near her, to want to _touch_ he— _Stop, you idiot. Stop._

“Well I assume it’s his. It was in the top drawer.” She tried to reel in her wandering mind by casually pointing at the drawer with one of her booted feet, but kicked the desk by accident, stubbing her toe. _Smooth_. Wincing lightly, she looked back at the gun in her hand, weighing it a bit. “My guess is he keeps it to scare away anyone who interrupts his writing process. Or maybe to shoot his cat if it bothers him too much. I swear, every time I come here he has a different one…” Alex trailed off, glancing around the room. “Actually… Matt, have you seen the cat?” Of course, she was failing at this whole house sitting thing already.

“Yeah… I let it outside a bit ago,” he replied absently, and she could practically see the wheels turning in his head. What he was piecing together, she had no idea. He took a deep breath and looked at her intently. “Okay, well then, Alex, let’s not go rummaging through any more of his stuff, put the loaded gun back in the drawer where we found it, and go watch a movie or something, yeah?”

His words were like a slap in the face and Alex froze, stunned. She realized now that he had said it before and she had missed it, but she definitely caught it this time. “Matt,” she said gently, slowly, as she held his gaze. “Matt, the gun isn't loaded.”

It took him a minute, but she watched as he processed what she had said and blinked hard, all of his features smoothing out from a tension she hadn’t realized he’d been holding in his frame.

“It’s not… It’s not loaded?”

“No, darling, of course not! I would never wave a loaded gun at you. Please. I’m not that mad.” She gave him an easy laugh, and he responded with a hesitant chuckle, placing a hand to his heart and taking a deep breath that lit up his eyes. He smiled.

“It’s not loaded! You’re sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, Matthew! See?”

She pulled on the trigger easily, her smile masking the barely there hurt that came with his lack of trust. She would never hurt him, he had to know tha—

BANG!

Alex leapt out of the chair at the sharp sound, her eardrums splitting as her whole body tensed, eyes and hands squeezing shut to block out the sound, the horror, the-

BANG!

_SHIT! What the f—_ Alex looked down at the gun in her hand, now pointed toward the ground past the desk. Oh God, what had she done? Her finger was still gripped around the trigger, her whole body frozen from the second gunshot. Her muscles vibrated, unable to release their tension for fear of another deafening crack. She breathed heavily, terrified and embarrassed that she had not only shot off Steven’s gun once, but again by accident. Now he wouldn’t just have one hole in his wall, but he would probably have one in the floor as well—

“A-Alex…”

She looked up from the gun in horror, an apology spilling out of her mouth as she tugged her free hand through her curls.

“Matt, oh God, Matt, I am so sorry! I didn’t know it was loaded! I thought I checked it, I… Oh God, umm… O-Okay. We should probably check to see where the bullet hit the wall so we can cover it before Steven comes back. So - Yeah.” Hands shaking, she dropped the gun on the desk in disgust, eyeing it warily as she skirted around it. Alex stared intently past Matt as she rounded the desk, frenzied eyes scanning the walls.

The realization that the walls were perfectly fine hit her just as Matt gasped out a shaky “Ah-Al-lex,” and crumpled to the floor.

Alex’s hands went numb, her knees threatening to give out beneath her. _No_. God, please no. This couldn’t be happening. An icy hot dread dropped like a weight in her stomach as her feet went numb. She watched, unable to move, as a dark spot bloomed and expanded out through Matt’s grey shirt, spilling onto the white rug and pooling there. _Oh God_ , she thought as her stomach heaved.

_RED_.

Alex fell back against the desk with a yelp, clutching at it in an effort not to sink to the floor. Her hand hit something hard and rectangular. Her mobile. _Oh, God._ She grabbed for it almost subconsciously, her shaking finger swiping clumsily at the screen to unlock it before rapidly hitting the 9 four times. She had the phone raised to her ear before she caught herself, pulling it back down and deleting a 9 before pressing the call button. It rang.

_Oh God, oh God, Matt, oh God-_

“Emergency. Which service?”

Alex couldn’t breathe, couldn't catch any air, but somehow managed to gasp out “A-ambulance” before Matt made a weak moaning sound that sent her rushing to his side.

_Okay, Alex. Get it together. Matt needs you. Think. THINK._

Matt let out a small whimper, his left hand clutching its way weakly across his shirt to cover the, the—

“Ambulance. What is your emergency?” Alex barely registered that the voice was different before she started screaming into the phone, “Oh God, please help us! Send someone over here. He’s, he’s— I shouldn’t have had the gun, oh God. Please, he needs help!” Alex shoved the phone between her ear and shoulder as she knelt beside Matt, her hands flying to his shoulders, down his arms, to his face, anywhere.

“Okay, what is your location?” replied the static voice.

“A-Alex.. What’s… Wha..” Matt’s eyelids drooped as his head dropped heavily to the side.

Alex’s tone became more frantic, “Please, help! Send someone, oh God—“

“What is your location?” the voice repeated, more forcefully than before.

“We’re - We’re in Surrey, just please send someone!”

“Miss, I need an exact location—“

“Oh for God’s sake!” Alex cried, pulling the phone out from under her ear, “He needs help, just bloody send someone already! He’s going to- He could- He needs help, NOW!”

Alex could just hear the voice saying it was tracking her phone when she threw it across the room. She bent over Matt, tears blurring her vision.

“Matt. Matt, honey, sweetheart, stay with me. I’m right here, Matt. Oh God, please stay with me. Matt.” Alex cupped his face in her hands, brushing his damp hair off of his glistening brow. “Please, Matt,” she begged, lightly patting his cheek until he opened his eyes again.

Matt let out a pleased hum as his eyes fluttered opened, smiling as he looked up at her and ghosted his fingers over her cheek. She immediately felt something hot there and placed her hand against her face, staring in horror at the red streaked across her palm when she pulled her hand away. _Shit. Right. Okay._

“Matt, sweetie, I’m so sorry. This is probably going to hurt. Just stay with me, everything’s going to be okay.” She tried to remember _something_ from ER, anything, about compression, blood loss, clotting - but the adrenaline coursing through her made the memories disappear. She stared down at his darkened shirt, and decided hurriedly to remove it so she could assess the damage. She pulled the cloth up his chest a bit, but realizing that she wouldn’t be able to get it off, she started ripping frantically at the seams until a good portion of it had torn off. She pulled it into her lap, tearing off the small sections not darkened and wet, and stole a glance at Matt’s chest.

Bile rose into her throat but she forcefully swallowed it back down.  _So much red._

Matt’s abdomen seemed unnaturally pale next to the puddle of dark crimson that had formed on his right side. Alex leaned over him, daring to look closer, and saw a hole - oh God, _she_ had done that - in the center of the dark pool. She hurriedly gathered the torn fabric in her hands and pressed it down firmly over the gap in his skin. Matt groaned, his hands weakly coming up to meet hers.

“That’s right, Matt. It’s going to be okay. We just need to put a bit of pressure, and you’ll be fine. I promise, love. Y-You’ll be fine.”

The makeshift bandages were already soaking through, her hands hot and wet as they were engulfed by the thick, warm—

Matt gasped lightly and groaned, his head lolling to the side once more. Alex pressed firmly on his upper abdomen as she moved, kneeling closer to his head but never moving her hands.

“Matt, stay with me. Talk to me, Matt.” She waited for what felt like forever, but no answer came. All she could hear was his shallow, ragged breathing. Desperate, she removed one hand from his chest and brought it up to his face, patting his cheek forcefully until he opened his eyes again. She replaced her hand and pushed down with more force.

“Matthew, sweetie, I need you to talk to me.”

“A-Alex, y-you…” He cut off, eyes rolling back into his head.

“No!” Alex cried forcefully, and lifted her hand once more to grasp his chin and make him look at her. When he opened his eyes this time, she didn’t remove her hand, shaking his head a bit every time his eyelids started getting heavy. “No, Matthew, you _will_ stay awake. I am not losing you. Oh, God. No, I am _not_ losing you.”

It was then that the tears started to fall, dropping from her face onto his cheeks, making small little points of white within the streaks of red her hands had left on his skin. Her hot tears seemed to wake him a bit, his eyes gathering focus and holding her gaze with a forceful intensity. He licked his lips.

“A-Alex… You… Y-You shot me…” Matt looked horrified, but she thought she saw the faintest smile ghost across his lips. His words made everything real, though, and although she had been trying to keep herself together for his sake, he finally had said it, and something broke within her.

Alex’s quiet tears turned into harsh sobbing, and she gasped for breath as she tried to apologize, tried to explain. “I know, Matthew. I am so, so terribly sorry, it was all my fault, I thought I checked the gun…God, what a stupid idea, it was a stupid idea, and I never should have done it, Matt, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault, but you’re going to be fine. So help me, you’re going to be fine, because if anything happens to you I think I’ll d—“

He shushed her softly, his eyes losing a bit of focus, but his left hand came up to cover her cheek. He brushed his thumb lightly against the bone there, and she felt a shiver run through her. She let out a hesitant breath.

In the distance, she barely registered the sound of sirens getting closer.

Matt lifted his head a bit, leaning into her. “Alex… I don’t know… what’s gonna happen…”

She cut him off quickly, covering his hand with her own and squeezing it reassuringly. “I’m here, Matt. You’re going to be fine. I already called the ambulance. They're on their way. Stay with me, Matt.”

His eyes were getting dimmer and more unfocused as she spoke. He had to open and close his mouth a few times before any sound managed to get out. “I’m scared, Alex,” he whispered, his hand gripping her cheek a bit tighter.

“I know, sweetie. I’m scared, too,” she replied, the tears coming back in full.

“And… I guess,” he continued, gasping lightly, “I guess if… if I’m not going to… get another chance to say it… Alex… I…”

Matt’s eyes lost the little focus that was left and drifted closed, his head lolling to the side as his hand fell from her face.

“No!” Alex screamed, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him violently. “Matthew, no! Don’t you dare leave me! If you leave me, I swear I will kill you! Matthew, _WAKE UP!”_

She was sobbing in earnest and couldn't stop, as if flood gates had been opened somewhere deep within her - all of her emotions tearing through her and spilling out uncontrollably. A searing pain flared in her chest and she grabbed for Matt, gathering him into her arms and holding him to her, clutching at his back, his arms, his neck, anything. She needed him, needed his smile, his laugh, his warmth… Oh, God, she just needed _him_ —

A harried knocking came from somewhere miles away, and Alex screamed, her throat raw and her voice breaking, “HELP! Please- Oh God, someone please help us!”

Suddenly the sound was on top of her, the harsh splintering of a door being kicked opened, the deafening wail of sirens, footsteps stampeding into the house, hurried yelling-

Alex buried her face into Matt’s neck, pulling him impossibly closer and squeezing him tightly.

“In here!” someone shouted, their voice splitting through Alex’s head. Soon the stampede was upon her, and she could feel bodies crowding into the room, rushing in around her, tugging Matt away as they tried to pry her off of him.

Matt went suddenly stiff in her arms, shaking violently as his head bounced sporadically against her.

“He’s going into shock,” another voice stated, unnaturally calm.

Alex felt a pair of strong hands digging into her arms, ripping her away from him.

“Stop it!” she screamed as she watched two people lay Matt flat on the heavily stained rug. “Stop it! You’re hurting him!” She lunged for him again, flailing desperately to get her arms free, to help him—

“Miss,” said a harsh voice in her ear, “Miss, you need to calm down. We’re here now, everything is going to be okay.”

Alex froze and watched in horror as two men carrying a gurney barged into the room, lifting Matt’s now still form carefully up and onto it, strapping him down and wheeling him hurriedly away from her.

“No!” Alex screamed again, her momentary shock gone as quickly as it had come. She leapt up from the ground, legs running before she had even yanked her arms free. She sprinted through the house, the gurney just far enough ahead that it vanished with every turn. Alex ran through the front door just as the back of the ambulance closed, getting only a glimpse of the medical team working as Matt lay helpless between them. The vision burned in her brain as she ran after the moving vehicle, screaming hoarsely and sobbing. Her hands slapped against the back of the ambulance as it pulled away until a strong grip wrapped around her upper arm and yanked her backwards.

Alex whirled around, tugging forcefully against the restraint. “Let me go! I need to go- He needs me! Let me go! I need to-“ She stopped as she was pushed into a police car, the man that had been gripping her arm shutting the door forcefully before quickly rounding to the driver’s seat and slamming the door behind him. Before Alex could get any words out, he was speeding away, sirens wailing as they rushed to catch up with the ambulance.


End file.
